The URGE

All of us face promptings which strike us like lightning and which move us in directions which we seldom understand, but military dependents can predict one of their's frequently.

What I'm talking about are the three year desires for massive changes. Personally this normally meant an intense desire to move, even if it was only to the next apartment. My wife just about killed me this year when the desire to move hit again after being in our house for three years. But it didn't take either of us long to figure out what was going on. Three years were up. It was time for another PCS.

The U.S. military, in their infinite wisdom, has deemed that military personnel should spend three years at a time at their duty stations, with the exception of hardship assignments (combat, posts which don't support full families, etc.) This is a recruiting point because people are told that they get to travel the world, see new places, and so on. What is not talked about is the lasting effect on the personnel's family.

As an Air Force Brat, I quickly learned this pattern. It became the most normal thing in the world to me. By the time we moved to Ray City, Georgia, I failed to fathom that some people did not moving every three years. It had become a ritual. It was a form of security for me.

Security, you wonder. I didn't mispeak myself. I meant it. You see, in my experience, human nature is to make life bearable, even in hardship. Where most people see the lost friendships and constant living out of boxes, military dependants quickly learn that moving means that their bad emotions, childhood nemesis, and other baggage will be gone soon.

Sure, constant moves meant that I could not afford to get too close to my friends as I grew up. Inevitably either their parent or mine would reach the end of their assignment and get transferred. Since individual assignments are rarely timed together, that usually meant that my 'best friend' would already have been there for a year or so and would leave in the next two years. That would leave me for a while without that friend and very possibly that friend was lost forever as their parent was assigned to California and my dad would go to Georgia or some other distant duty station. (Distant for a kid at least, remember they can't jump in the car and do a road trip yet.)

But this also means that the jerk at the pool who likes to pull my swim trunks down can only do that for, at worst, three years. If I don't like my room, chances are I will have a better one in three years. If the school I'm going to is the pits, I only... Oh, made my point already. Got it.

So fast forward, I'm now in college or my dad has retired. I don't move every three years now. But I find myself antsy at the three year point. I get angry at a broken towel rack or a section of the roof which is leaking. My friends are not as interesting to me. I have an urge to start hanging out with totally new people, almost or totally forsaking the friends I had. Maybe I decide to sell my car and go buy a new one. If I live in an apartment, I am ready to break the lease, move out, hit the road even. Job wise, the same old is now 'very old'. I'm tired of it. I want something more. Something different.

Can you point to the what prompts each of these 'random' desires?

The broken towel rack and roof are examples of problems which I feel I should not be dealing with now. I should be in a new house/apartment where I could have 'new' ones. If I had been moving I would have gotten it fixed by now so that I was ready when the time to move came.

The friends are a result of my never learning depth in our relationships. This is a direct consequence to my only allow people to get to know me on the surface. The reverse is that I only know them on the surface as well. This is kind of like making a fire with kindling. It burns hot and fast, but it will suddenly become almost extinguished.

The urge for new friendships is a response to the loss of the last group of friends. I recognize the need to have friends and so I look for more. Unfortunately I unknowingly set the friendship up for the same obsolescence as the last ones.

The car is a standard need for most military personnel when moving, especially overseas. The cost to ship the vehicle is prohibitive, so many people will sell all or all but one of their vehicles and buy new once they arrive at their new base. If this was standard practice for our parents, we begin to expect a new vehicle every three years. Mom and Dad did it, so why not me?

The apartment change is another form of the house change. Interestingly, this also relates to clutter for most of us military dependents. One of the aggravating factors for us is the accumulation of items in our living space. When we moved, especially overseas, we learned to throw away the things we didn't need or want to save space. We begin feeling cramped by the accumulation now and have no end in sight. So part of our reason for feeling better after a move is knowing that we have cleared up our clutter. Another interesting side effect is either an affinity for unpacking everything as quickly as possible or living out of boxes after a move.

Job switching is a direct correlation to what we saw in our parents. Every three years they had to get to know new co-workers and job assignments. For most of us this became glamorous and we grew to expect it. Therefor a job where the same tasks are completed repeatedly is not very interesting to us.

The bottom line is that military BRATS learn to live by this cycle. Some embrace it, taking jobs where they frequently travel or get transferred. Others try to fight it off by doing small moves around their locality. More rare, from my experience, are the people who attempt to adjust their lives to allow the stability of staying in one place. And the reason it is rare is simply that it goes against so much of what we were taught about how life is supposed to work.