BRAT-PACK: Handling 'PEACE'

Military brats face the same choices as every person. Many join the military since it is what they know and are comfortable with. Yet many decide that they want a change of venue. They are not necessarily sure what they are looking for, but they are sure they won't find it in the military.

This is intended for those who are trying to find a way outside the military. Maybe you even tried to serve for a while and just could not stay the course to retirement. Either way, as a DOD kid you have some unique challenges ahead.

The first thing you need to realize is that you are not wrong for how you think and feel, but the rest of the country is likely to think you are. I definitely felt culture shock as I began figuring out what I wanted to do. Several things conspired against me in this, not least of which were personal perceptions clashing with other people's perceptions.

The United States always contained some element of people who were looking for a hand-out from the government. For some people this is blatant in their welfare support or swindling the government and business through worker's compensation fraud and other means. Others are more subtle. The one that offended me the most and still bugs me are the 'peace at any price crowd'.

Those who would sacrifice our liberty for peace seem to be the most annoying and difficult hurdle for military brats because we are polar opposites to them. On some level we love the idea that our parents and friends in uniform would never get shot at or bombed, but we also recognize that without their service it is unlikely that we could be secure. When people get adamant about leaving Iraq or some other location, most brats feel the urge to defend their friends and relatives. This becomes the problem.

As your emotions boil over, you are likely to begin arguing the point with the other person. Others are likely to join in on both sides, but usually brats find themselves defending the military from a personal level rather than an emotional one. These emotions fuel the conflict and can be perceived by others as aggression, instead of the assertive forwardness which most brats have learned.

Where does this come from you ask? I'm no psychologist or scientist, but I can share my opinion.

Most of us grew up knowing that today might be the day that dad or mom gets orders to someplace where bullets could steal them from us. Every phone call might be the one that sent them to their bedroom to pack the big green bag that meant they were leaving. At some point we asked why they are willing to leave.

I'm willing to bet that your dad or mom said something like this:

'Well, its my job for one thing, but its more than that. You see, I help ensure that the United States stays strong. Its kind of like when a bully picks on someone at school. The person being picked on is a victim because the bully thinks he is stronger than the other person. If the other kid worked out or learned to fight, the bully might not pick on him. But even if the bully did pick on him, the kid would have a better chance of defending himself. So my job now is to help keep the bullies from picking on others. Sometimes those bullies pick on the US and sometimes they pick on our friends, but either way I help stop them. I stop those who are picking on the US because I don't want them to pick on you and your friends. I stop those who pick on our friends because I don't want them to think that picking on others is okay and because that's what friends do.'

Oh, the exact phrasing may have been different, or the example, but the thought underneath is still there. Our parents serve to protect people. Sometimes us, sometimes others, but always doing their part for freedom and the world.

Looking at this, it makes sense why we get upset about those who quickly demean the military and their service. But this is where our service as a military brat begins. Making a big scene at moments like these feels like the right thing to do, but in most cases this makes things worse. Discussion can potentially sway the person's opinion, but raising your voice and getting belligerent makes them defensive. When people are defensive, they rarely listen to what is being said. And if they do listen, it is too pick the topic apart, not to evaluate it. This is not a mindset that is helpful for anyone.

From an HR standpoint, this puts both people under scrutiny. I would be looking to see if this is a sign of more trouble to come. Although rare, some others would automatically move toward dismissing one or both people.

No, like it or not, the best decision is to keep your emotions under control. Try to persuade the other person if you wish, but don't give them the satisfaction of seeing you snap. Anger will only become more ammunition for them.

Unfortunately, many people in our country are unwilling to see the importance of being prepared. Rather than frustrating yourself and possibly losing your job, find people who you can associate with and/or help to understand. While this might feel like a retreat, in actuality it is a strategic withdrawal. If you can't win the battle, why waste the resources?